Ode to dipped cotton balls

I myself am not the biggest fan of getting pranked but do to the fact that this is the day we prank here are a few classless acts I would like to pay homage to. The classic happened when I was a kid. My wife decided in her sick mind to take cotton balls and dip them like chocolate covered candy. She then had me and her brother try her new creation. If you have never bit into a cotton ball go to the bathroom find a cotton ball, clean preferably and take a bite. i will wait.... Now how was that, good huh, actually it is a sensation like fingernails on the chalk board in your mouth. But in true best friend fashion Jon ate the chocolate off the cotton balls after we discovered them. Chocolate does not grow on trees you know. Wait a minute, yes it does but anyways. As a final note be kind don't get to aggressive have a heart. And most of all let me know how your pranks go.

Like a tornado in a trailer park.

We relearned a valuable lesson tonight. Never turn your back on a two year old hell bent on destruction. Our little boy loves to destroy just for the sheer joy of seeing the mess. Usually he performs his best under pressure, like when someone is on there way over or when our house is clean and the doorbell rings. His little brain screams, " Quick tear the cushions of the couch and throw some towells and blankets on the floor." after some swift work with some help from his sisters he gives a verbal pat on the back. He says " I have seen worse, like when the home teachers stopped by but I would say we traumatized mom sufficently for now. Good job girls" I am beginning to realize that like my parents I to will love being a grandpa more than a parent. My wife trys so hard and I promise if you ever enter my abode it was spottless before the door bell rang and if you ring it twice they might get the couch flipped so please avoid the second ring.
And Merry Christmas

Remember.

I remember September 10, 2001. Sometimes I long for that memory. Fall was just coming in. School was in session. I was a newlywed college student and things were going great. . It was a normal day back in a normal world.
And then the day happened. I woke up got dressed went to class and the world changed. There was sorrow, fear, faith , pride, but most of all shock. And out of the rubble of that day rose a new world. I knew at that moment my kids would not be born into the world I had grown up in. My heart still feels a little tender just thinking about it. My eyes tear up during the national anthem. My memory of those images is still bold and bright no matter who tries to block them. But the memory I will always come away with is how for a brief time we came together as Americans. Not black, white, gay ,straight, illegal or legal. We were in the fight together and we were not afraid because we know how to win.
We know how to defeat fear and terror. We know compassion and love. We know real strength comes from our ability to move forward to something positive. Not back to hate and book burnings. Strength is in the hello to a neighbor. Strength is in the smile at the store. Strength is in the moment we all decide to be better. Strength is in the Savior, and being like him. The mightiest sword does not strike down, but raises those who are struck down. And brings them into the light of peace, love and kindness.
I remember September 12, 2001. It was a cool fall day and there was a twinge of sorrow in the air. But in that sorrow was hope and in that hope was strength and in that strength we find America.

Hi my name is Jon and I am a addict

Yes it is true I am addicted to a few things. None of them are truly harmful to my health unless I kill over after a BYU touchdown. I think harmful addictions are to much work. The smoker has to work his butt off to pay for his vice. The Alcoholic has to pay for a Lawyer to help fight the DUI charges. My addictions are of the simple lazy day to day addictions. Here are a few of them.

1 I am addicted to my wife. A day without her is a day I get cranky and the shakes. She is way better than a drug.
2. My kids laughter. Talk about addicting. Leighna could power LA with her smile and laugh. This morning she walked up to Kronk and said, " Kronkers you smell like a danged stinky dang dog." She then laughed her head off she really cracks herself up.
3. BYU football. Yes folks the season is upon us. I love football in all forms but BYU football is the best. I scream yell and act like a fool every game.
4. Coke. Yes its true my one bad VICE. I am not perfect I know it comes as a shock to many but it is true. I really like coke. Its my drink of choice.
5. Ruining books according to my Sister I am addicted to ruining every book I read. She thinks books are safer at a Nazi book burning than they are in my bedroom. I would like her to know this is not true. And I apologize to any Nazi's that might have took offence to that last comment. If you want tips on how to more effectively destroy a book let me know apparently I do a bang up job.

I think that will be enough for today i will bring you more vices at a later date

Ten Years of wedded bliss

My wife is my best friend. She is fun funny and just so much better than I am. I remember vividly kneeling across the alter and looking at her and just hoping that I could take care of her. Hoping that I could give her enough love and time. Give her a home and protection. Help her laugh more than cry. Stand beside her good and bad. Be the man she deserved. She was and is so much more than I deserve. She gets more beutiful every day. She is all I want and ever want she is my life my love. The Hawiians have a term called HAH, it means the breath of life. Trina is my HAH, I pray that she will always breath her life and love into mine. Thanks Babe.

Letters

KIDS.

My wife has given me everything. Happiness love paitience kindness passion ( keep it clean Marie:) ) and true frienship and KIDS. I love my kids they are fun and crazy. Each one is different and yet together they become the machine that makes up our eternal family. They have there roles and each one plays it well. My brothers and sisters all played and play roles to this day, it is just what you do. So this is a thank you to my wife for giving me these little cogs and sprockets that build my heart. She gave and gives up so much for them and at times goes unthanked. I want all mothers to know that the dishes and floors and made beds are nice but they are not the thing your children will remember. They will remember you loving them and playing with them and taking two seconds to hold them. I love coming home to a clean house but I love it even more to come home to a house full of love and happy children and happier wife. If any husband freaks out and gets angry beause his dinner is not made and house not clean needs a but whooping by the man himself MR. CHUCK NORRIS.

Things not said.

I have to admit I am a very lucky boy. Life is not easy and at times is just plain tough but it is easier with someone to share it with. We read a book about love languages about two years ago and it is amazing at how each and every one of us gives and receives love so differently. My wife is a service person she receives and gives love through service And my love language is words and physical touch. So sometimes we get our paths crossed and end up showing love but feeling like we are not receiving any. My family all loves the way I do so we are touchy feely talkers. My wife's family is servers they are not big hugger and they are not big on Wow good jobs. In fact they are more of the "you missed a spot kind of people". So we communicate on different levels. I can say I love you so much to Tink and she just hears blah blah blah and thinks if he loved me he would mow my lawn, weed the garden, plant fruit trees, build my fence, trim the rose bushes , move the rocks, spay the aphids, dig up the back lawn and plant new grass, get a couple loads of dirt and spread them out fix my sprinklers and wash the car. And I mow the lawn and want to gear Wow babe you are the greatest husband in the world not only are you tough, sexy, handsome, and nice to animals but you are a all around great guy and I am so glad you chose me because you are the greatest thing since hostess cherry pies. I have began to demand a wow. Yes i have become a wow whore. I fish for wows if I don't get them. It is pathetic but I am a addict. Despite these differences I have my best friend in the world forever she is my everything . We try the silent treatment but we cant do it because without talking we cant share everything and we share everything. When we left our parents we gave all of ourselves to each other and I would not trade one second with her. Thanks Babe I love You .

I have GREAT KIDS.

Since this is the least read blog in the world I really feel no need to write but oh well here goes another post. My kids are great. I made the joke that we sometimes celebrate mediocraty in life, but when it involves your kid there is no such thing. To my kid everything is worth celebrating and fun. They truly know what life is all about. Mostly life is about fun and the pursuit of love. Love comes easily for my kids. Unless they want the same thing and then war comes easily. But overall peace usually rules the day. Imagine if your whole goal for the day was to have fun all day and when the day comes to a end demand a bedtime story and a sack of flour ride to bed. We in the adult world live in a constent death spiral. We sometimes focus on the, I wish I had instead of the what I haves. The wish I hads if allowed to dominate your thoughts will never bring happiness and only leave you feeling incomplete and like you never progress. The what I haves can bring you great joy and when you strive to be grateful for what you have you magically are content. The bigger car the nicer house the bigger better bow quickley become old and are not so bigger and better. The. "they are so much better than me" does not lift you up as much as the I am a great person, I am awesome. And that is what is so great everyone is Awesome, even good old Barrack has a little Awesome, just look at those ears, Awesome.

The YARD!!!!

I have a charmed life. Its not perfect but what is not perfect I can overlook. But there is one part of my life that I do battles with every year. My Yard. I love my yard in lots of ways. I have a lawn and flowers and trees and rocks. But I also have weeds dirt patches rocks that my wife abhors and did I mention I have a lawn. I often joke that I married into a family of lawn Nazis. They honestly can't help it, lawns are the family business. They know a good lawn when they see it. I imagine if my family saw a unsupported roof system, or a over spanned 2X6 we to would have a remark or two about the problem. I honestly pray my lawn stays putting green green this year it would help my wife's general well being. She hates brown spots. I have fought many a battle with the grub and the burn spots and the dandy lion.. These are lawn problems that hamper our marital bliss. Last year the front lawn was wonderful but the back really struggled. I think I did not talk to it enough I don't know. I hope and pray both have a fantastic year, and we get through it together. I think we can pull through another summer.

Superwoman!

There are super heros among us. They might not be one eyed laser shooting mutants from the planet goolgone but they are here none the less. My wife is one of them she is AWESOME. She loves deeper than a ocean. She is cuter than the cutest kitten. Pretier than a rose. Kinder than the the kindest WalMart greeter. And just a neat gal.. She sometimes does not agree with these accusations but she is blind and deaf to her own greatness. I am the flat tire on the well oiled machine which is Trina. She is a fine sports car and I am a 78 datsun with a oil leak and a slipping transmission. But she is stuck with me and that is just tough. Because I know how lucky I am and like the neighbor kid that bugs ya but won't go away. (We all have one lets not deny it)

A cry for repreve

Okay people April draws near and you all know what that means. Time to choose a side. Do you want to be a jerk, bad person , borderline Gadianton robber. Or do you want to be a saint a lovly person full of good content and kindness. Yes folks the choice is yours. You can either join PETJ (People for the Ethical Treatment of Jonny) or be part of the mindless dribble. Yes you can be part of the cool kids. I will just offer this chance to everyone. Don't participate in Pick on Jonny Month. This annual waste of time needs to die and this is our chance. Stand up and join me in this fight . Thanks for your kindness.

The cold of death.

Yes thats right folks I said DEATH. The big D and I don't mean Dallas. The cold we have been fighting makes you pray for death, death or sudafed, niquil, warm quilts and sleep. It makes a grownup cry for mommy. Thanks Mom for hearing our cries and bringing supper. Last night in bed Tink asked me to have her buried in Nephi. And then we planned our funerals. Two very sick people never make a right. With no one to throw sympathy in your face the natural thing to do is plan funeral arrangements. They will be wonderful services. Trina is feeling alot better today so I only have one more day. I have got to be better by the Super Bowl because when I miss the Super Bowl things get ugly.

Music

I have a deep dark secret, I lip sing and have for years. Three years in choir and I sang for real very rarely. I lack the talent. I loved sitting next to my brother Matt, He has the talent, I got the looks. Actually He got the talent, Nick got the looks, Marie got the feminism, and I got, I got.... Still thinking. Still thinking. Oh yeah I got the ability to lip sing. Wow am I lucky. I could give MILLY VANILLI a run for there money I was that good. Sure I sang when it counted but when it did not matter I spared everyone the torture. Even today I hum the hymns in church. I could hum your socks off. As a senior in High School I went to All State Choir, but I went as Matt and was warned to not sing by our Choir director unless it was absolutely necessary. And usually my voice was not needed. But I did get to lip sing in the Tabernacle and that was a highlight of my lip singing career. Did you know you can hear a pin drop across the tabernacle, but you can't hear a lip singer across it, weird acoustics huh. Well there is my confession.

The Note

Today me and Tink cleaned out our garage. It took forever and a day. It was like a big bomb had gone off in our garage. But now it is clean and happiness prevails in the Allred Kingdom. While in the midst of our self inflicted torment I went through my mission box. I just about threw all the letters away but something inside told me to stop and go through them. First letter was from my Grandma Allred, and it was the Grandma from my childhood. She was so alive and active and busy. She talked about helping others and her love for my Grandpa and her family and she was happy. And then life comes and goes and a few years later she lost Grandpa and her health failed her and she faded but her love for us never did. And there in my hand was everything I loved about my Grandma, a message so full of love and life and joy. All the things I know she is feeling now, and I knew she is okay and she is still herself. The Grandma Allred of my memories.

Then I dug further into the box and a paper fell out of the box, I went to throw it away and then I noticed the writing.

I think of you
always! I am so
proud of you! I
love you more than
words can tell.

Grandma.

There i stood on my driveway crying, surrounded by the love of those temporarily lost to me in this life. My Grandma Bailey had sent this little note of love to me. I think it was more for me today than 11 years ago when she wrote it. I wish I could cuddle up next to her on her couch and just be with her. Smell her perfume, feel her hands, have her tell me that I was so wonderful and she loved me. So here I go Grandma since there is no address for you I hope you can read my little blog. Here is my note for you.

I think of you
always! I am so
proud of you! I
love you more than
words can tell.

Johnny.

MOTHERHUD

I have been watching my kids for the last two days all by my lonesome. (And I do mean LONESOME.) Baby come home. This experience has taught me a important fact. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing. Moms rock, they just do, it comes naturally to most. My wife might not realize it but the world she lives in revolves around her, not the sun. My poor kids are lost because they feel like the sun is gone and been replaced by the DEATH STAR from STAR WARS. I think I caught my kids plotting my demise. I could not figure out why they kept calling Port red leader and Buggy kept making Chew Bacca sounds. We really need our sun back. Two little girls can complete kick a dad out of a king size bed in minutes. I am a sucker for big blue and brown eyes pleading to sleep in mom and dads bed. Next time I will just say NO. We need our sun back. MY wife is like a 4'10" ball of love. She is a recipe of good women combined. She is not perfect true. But she is close. Her little Purt is a little lost today he keeps looking for her and coming back to me in disgust. He needs his sun back. If my kids eat another mickey mouse chicken nugget, they might turn into one. My desire to cook left with Tink. I am a suckey Mother.

Oh yeah did I mention. WE NEED OUR SUN BACK.

My mom and the who, what, why, and whens of Jill.

The Who. No not the rock band the WHO, my mom. My mom is the greatest, she is kind yet firm. (She will let me have a diet Pepsi but with limits and a accusation of me drinking a whole twelve pack.) She is funny and most people would not guess it, but a lot of our humor comes from her. She is a wise counselor and a great listener. She is a worrier, its a art form really, and she is the, Da Vinci of worriers. I think she sometimes worries about twenty year old stuff just for kicks and giggles. She is love, pure and sweet. She is alot like a thin mint, the good ones, sweet clear through. Yet she has layers and you end up eating the whole box and hiding it from granny. I think Matt did that and told me about it.
What? Mom is a warm half drunk diet Pepsi. Mom is fighting off a migraine. Mom is a back seat driver. Mom is lunch at Costco. Mom is taking time for each one of her kids. Mom is a fun Grandma. Mom is a great friend. Mom is sometimes a lot Iona sometimes a little.
Why? Mom is who she is because of three major choices she has made. First to be a active member of her own family and stay close to them. She loves her brother and sisters completely. And her parents shaped her into who she is today. Second she chose her testimony of Christ over the easy way out. She could have decided four kids and church was a bad idea. She could have decided it was easier to stay home. But she stuck to her faith and we made her pay for it every Sunday for several years. I just want to say thanks Mom. Thanks ETERNALLY.
Third was her choice to marry my Dad. Not easy, not the popular choice. But the right one. It was easy to decide to get married when I did, because I had a great example of how happy a marriage could be. They are still boyfriend and girlfriend.
When? I think of my mom every day. When I see a diet Pepsi. When I make a important decision. She is always there to listen and give her advise. She is more than just a Mom she is a friend. She is comfort after a crappy day. She is the manager in your corner that kicks you back in the ring even though she knows you might lose. And when you do lose there is no better place than in her arms because she give great hugs.
Love ya MOM

Why ????

Thats it that pretty well describes my day. Why???????

Notice.

The question was asked at a Halloween party. What did you first notice about your spouse? A tough question when you have always known your spouse. I don't remember not knowing her. She has always been their part of my life, and for the last 11.5 years, part of who I am as a person. But this does not mean I don't notice those little romantic things that those couples have when they meet in the store, or street, or at band camp. I remember the way she looked when I saw her at the institute right after I got home. She wore a maroon dress and her hair was down and she had the slightest curl to it. Oh yeah and her smile, she smiled and you could have took me to the alter and I would have said yes right there. I remember on our wedding day when I waited for her to change into her dress. When she appeared beauty took on a whole new meaning to me. Nothing compared to my bride and nothing has since, she is the definition of beauty.
I remember a few weeks before Addy was born in the middle of the night reaching over her and feeling our child in her very uncomfortable belly and feeling pure love for this sleeping woman who was and continues to be my everything. And then there was this morning as I climbed out of bed got dressed, and there in my bed was my family all of them sleeping peacefully, and in the center of my little sleeping world was the girl at the institute, The bride in the temple, the expecting wife and now the mother of my three kids. And she is a better definition of beauty today than ever before.

P.S. She is still my girlfriend.

What kind of kid was I?

Today I watched kids so my sis and lovely wife could go have some fun. And I have been thinking what kind of kid was I. There are all types of kids, short kids , fat kids, kids that climb on rocks. I had five of the little buggers all morning. Here is a brief explanation of these little rug rats.
K.J. The oldest of the Allred grand kids. KJ is a good kid with a gentle heart that is sometimes mistaken for being girly. Sometimes I think KJ is more manly than most of us because he cares. Cares about others, feelings, thoughts, actions and desires. He then takes this caring and turns it into action. Real men care, and one day KJ will truly be a real man. And one day he will score a touchdown while being a really caring man.
Addy is a bundle of love. She is sensitive and I am already scared of the thirteen year old version of Addy. She loves me and loves to help when it suits what she wants to do. She is smart and loves to learn.
Lieghna is crazy, fun, hungry, loves to laugh, mischievous, and a great friend. She lives life with passion . Her foot on the gas all the time.
Olivia, She is figuring herself out. She is a cute monster. she is fun and leighnas partner in crime. And she can eat, as long as it is not bread. She ate a can of spaghetios by herself, what a gal.
Port. He is my buddy. Calmer than his sisters. He loves balls and tools and trucks. He is not afraid of much. He loves to laugh.
Every kid has there strengths, and weaknesses like we adults do. Some strengths we keep, some we lose and the weaknesses are the same. I look forward to getting to know these kids as adults they have endless potential.

PS I was a awesome kid.

A life of glaomour and high fashion.

Life sometimes seems very odd. There are those days when you feel completely at peace at your place in the universe. You are just content, not ecstatic or overwhelmed with joy but content. Today I want content. Content sounds nice, to be right where I am, and who i am and find myself at peace. But life sometimes is not that way. I live with two very wild and crazy little girls who do not like content, they like drama. And in this life of little girl drama resides me and my wife. I am afraid that if some prince knocked on my door she would be gone. He would not even have to be handsome or charming, just a Prince. And there I would be with two drama queens and prt. And she would live a life with maids and servants and money to spare. Heck I am a boring person even the color that looks best on me is boring, Brown. Well if anyone sees a Prince in my neighborhood looking for a address run him over for me, or at least mislead him a little, tell him we moved to Bogota.